you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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