all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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