I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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