you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
