So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're like the curious george of whores
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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