His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
