That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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