I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
they need to just BURY HIM!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
