I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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