Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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