i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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