he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
