If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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