3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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