i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
