i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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