He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Michael Bay diarrhea
i love accidental penises.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
