Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
