I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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