You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
