Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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