Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
