so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
