My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
