Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i love accidental penises.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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