I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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