I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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