yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So much rum. So many feels.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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