That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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