I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
