Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
