Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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