is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
