He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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