OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
