Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
