i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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