I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Buhtt sex?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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