You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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