Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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