so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
