you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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