Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
