Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
