My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
