I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I look excited, but its just a facade.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize