I heard we made out
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
