when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
