can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
