Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
