OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
