so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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