planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
