is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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