I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
