I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
