I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize