so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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