I just threw up on my dentist
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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