If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
