What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
