do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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