There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
