you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
