i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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