my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
