So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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