My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You did what with his pubic hair?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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