Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
