You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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