so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
