i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
