the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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