I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
