If that was your dad, he is hot
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
