You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
