I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
