My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
