Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
