Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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