Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
