God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
