im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
