I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
