Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Randomize
