I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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