Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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