When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
