don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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