forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize