I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
