Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's official drugs can't kill me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
