never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
