weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
