thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
