he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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