This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize